Ready, Willing, and Disabled

"Ready, Willing, and Disabled"
Family Guy episode
Episode no.	Season 3 Episode 15
Directed by	Andi Klein
Written by	Alex Barnow Marc Firek
Production code	3ACX07
Original air date	December 20, 2001
Guest appearance(s)
Tony Danza as himself Valerie Bertinelli as herself Alex Rocco as Bea Arthur
Episode chronology

"Ready, Willing, and Disabled" is the 15th episode of the third season of Family Guy. It guest stars Tony Danza as himself portraying Joe Swanson, Valerie Bertinelli as herself portraying Bonnie Swanson, and Alex Rocco as Bea Arthur portraying Peter Griffin. The title is a pun on the saying, "Ready, willing, and able."

Plot summary

At a local fundraiser organized by Chris, a masked thief (with a mask of Jimmy Carter similar to Point Break) steals the proceeds. Joe Swanson chases after him and recovers the money, but fails to catch the thief. Depressed by his own failure, Joe quits the police force and retreats to his sleeping room. Lois instructs Peter to talk to him. When Peter does, an ad announcing the Special People's Games coming to Quahog is shown on television, and Peter encourages Joe to enter the Games, offering himself as a personal coach.

Peter subjects Joe to harsh physical training. As the Games commence, Joe's primary rival is an athlete strongly resembling Stephen Hawking, who repeatedly insults Joe using a voice synthesizer. Joe heads the competition until he performs poorly in the long jump. Realizing Joe must win the last competition, a running race, Peter drugs Joe's drink with steroids.

Joe then proceeds to win the Games, earning a gold medal, leaving triumphantly (with some of the drink spilling onto the ground, and a ladybug drinking it and promptly growing as big as a car, then it plucks a boy out of the audience and flies away), and becoming a notable public figure alongside his trainer Peter. Shortly into his newfound fame, an agent (Jim Kaplan the Con Man) approaches Joe and offers him a contract. Joe then appears in advertisements on his own and is awarded his own TV movie. Upon seeing the movie, Peter becomes infuriated, as it contradicts the actual events and portrays Peter as a discouraging female antagonist. Brian explains to Peter how Joe is rightfully being praised, since his disability makes his story inspirational. Peter then decides to fake his own disability, produces video footage of an accident in which he is paralyzed, and runs into Quahog's TV station demanding he is honoured with advertisements and TV movies as well. However, Tom Tucker quickly sees through Peter's alleged "footage" (in which he runs over a Peter-resembling scarecrow alleging this is how he was injured and it turns out the real Peter is the one driving it) and escorts him out.

Some time later, Joe is publicly honored in front of a large crowd by Quahog's mayor, and as Joe fails to acknowledge Peter's part in his success, Peter reveals to everyone Joe used doping to win the Special Games, namely the steroids that Peter gave him. Joe surrenders his gold medal and sinks back into depression.

Meanwhile, Stewie, Chris and Meg discover a clip of 26 dollars at Chris' fundraiser. The siblings engage in a long-dragging conflict over who is to keep the money, even after Joe tells them of their legal obligation to look for the money's original owner first. Their conflict leads Brian, as the neutral party, to act as the money-keeper, but he eventually grows tired of the sibling's paranoia over the money and leaves it with them. Once again, the three have a lengthy fight over the money, only to end when Brian lets in a man claiming to be the money's original owner. As the man leaves with the money, Joe recognizes him as the thief stealing the proceeds at the fundraiser and chases him, this time successfully. Joe regains his confidence and re-enlists with the police force, however unintentionally severs the thief's spine in the chase, killing him.

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