List of Red Meat characters

Red Meat is a weekly comic strip created by Max Cannon. The following is a list of primary and secondary characters featured.

• Bug-Eyed Earl - A demented sort of person slightly resembling Edgar Allan Poe or Charles Pierre Baudelaire. Earl's appearances generally involve him telling a surreal, strange, and usually disgusting anecdote.
• Milkman Dan - The local milkman; eccentric and hostile towards people and animals, especially Karen, a neighborhood child. Constantly battling against sobriety. Dan also dresses as a cow in his guise as McMoo, the anti-drug cow.^[1][2]
• Karen - A young girl who spends time with Milkman Dan even though she hates him for verbally abusing her and killing her pets. She and Dan are seemingly constantly locked in a battle of wits, as Dan shows pride and respect when Karen manages to beat him. There is also a futuristic version with the descendent of Milkman Dan (Synthetic Lacto-Beverage Distribution Worker Dan, Genetically Modified Soy Beverage Distribution Man Dan, MMD3) tormenting the descendent of Karen (K-Ren, K-Kren, K-REN3).
• Ted Johnson - Cannon has stated that Ted is based on his own father. He has a taste for gruesome sexual fetishes and cruel hobbies. He is called Vance in Shadow Rock.
• William is dragged to places by his father and often forced to attend dangerous summer camps. At least two other children of Ted's have been mentioned, but never shown or named.
• Don - Ted Johnson's African-American neighbor. When he is shown with Ted, he appears to be the only "normal" person in the strip, but at home with his wife and kids, he is as quirky as you would expect. He has apparently been friends with Ted since they attended college together in the mid-70s.
• Reuben - Another of Ted's neighbors.
• Ken - An unsavory looking character who is friends with Ted.
• Johnny Lemonhead - A naive, well-mannered man with a head shaped like a lemon, who is abused and treated as a freak by others.
• Mr. Bix - A sadistic anthropomorphic robot built by Ted Johnson. Enjoys performing painful and/or disgusting experiments on organic beings, usually Ted's son and his friends.^[3]
• Clyde - Ted's local gardener and handyman. Glacially slow on the uptake,.^[4][5]
• Mr. Wally - Owner of the Tobacco Shack. Wally is old and suffers from senile dementia.
• Steve - A friend of Ted's who has had his face burned off.
• God - A relaxed, laid-back, hippy-ish God.^[6] Contrast to the Priest's more hellfire-and-brimstone outlook.^[7]
• Papa Moai - An omnipotent transdimensional being who resembles an Easter Island statue. Usually speaks portentously of transcending time and space, but has more minor and immediate concerns like finding decent tobacco,^[8] or filling in a crossword.^[9]
• The Priest - Tries to live according to the Bible, often at loggerheads with modern life or the less conservative God.
• Coach Nick - A middle school coach known for pushing his team (often young girls) too hard and for getting into fights.
• Mailman Matt - A paranoid conspiracy theorist ^[10] who used to work special ops; fond of dark sunglasses.
• Vern - A rotund salesman type. Was Johnny Lemonhead's boss at one point.
• Vince - A large, unfriendly "friend" of Ted's.
• The Puppet - A hand puppet who visits Ted's son. The owner of the hand is never shown.
• Stubbo - A parody of Sluggo from the "Nancy" comic strips. He is known for sadistic behavior with a childlike innocence, and possessing beard stubble at a very early age. His mother tolerates most of his actions as long as he doesn't make a mess.
• The Old Cowboy - Hobbies : overseeing his cowboys,^[11] reminiscing about the old days, potent hallucinogenic drugs ^[12]
• The Flaming Skull - A floating flaming skull that torments Earl, always trying to get him to look at him.

The strip can more or less be divided into three series—Ted Johnson, Bug-Eyed Earl and Milkman Dan. Most of the characters interact with each other at times, with notable exceptions—The Old Cowboy and Stubbo have never crossed over with any of the other characters.

There are several apparently retired characters who have made more than one appearance, but haven't been seen in years. These include:

• The Dead Clown - A deceased clown found by youngsters and left in different places, often with a sign attached
• Baby Head - A man-child named Bobby
• Bad Dog - A seemingly normal dog who disappoints his master
• Ponzo - A performance artist who killed himself, but his soul fled before he managed, causing him to be undead
• Stacy - A parody of Dick Tracy portrayed as a down on his luck alcoholic. He has been shown to have a costumed nemesis
• Spuderman - A parody of Superman whose self-importance keeps him from actually helping anyone, particularly a nerdy child

Some characters have only made one or two appearances:

• Walker - Ted's barber
• Chet - Milkman Dan's dispatcher, a man with extremely short arms
• Baby Beethoven
• Pinky - Stubbo's pet dog.
• Chuck & Choppo - A ventriloquist and his dummy
• Xerkon - A burn ward child pretending to be an alien
• Captain Jacques Oiseux - Works for Ocean Land (a parody of Jacque Cousteau and SeaWorld) and an unnamed Ocean Land employee who looks remarkably like Ken
• Puseye - A parody of Popeye
• A fat androgynous swimmer
• The man who gave Ted his experimental body fluid-harvesting suit
• A sea anemone claiming to be Babe Ruth reincarnated
• Batman and Frank Sinatra have also made appearances, but aren't given names (most likely due to copyright issues).

There are also several unseen characters who exist only as dialog balloons from off-panel. This includes a variety of bosses, customers, co-workers, teachers, doctors, children, spouses, etc. Ted Johnson's wife, Cindy, is notable not only for her number of appearances with Ted and his son, but also because she has been a seen a few times, although only from behind while lying in bed.

References

1. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . tramp steamer in your soup kitchen". Redmeat.com. 2003-08-26. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
2. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . the antidote for pleasant moments". Redmeat.com. 1997-11-24. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
3. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . discontentment's seed pod". Redmeat.com. 2003-01-21. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
4. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . dirt clods in your fuel rods". Redmeat.com. 1998-10-26. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
5. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . baked bean bubble bath". Redmeat.com. 1999-04-26. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
6. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . the twirling toupee of temerity". Redmeat.com. 2003-11-18. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
7. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . trilobite tracks on your teleological treatise". Redmeat.com. 2002-04-02. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
8. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . trouser-load weight station". Redmeat.com. 2005-12-13. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
9. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . lichen-flecked leprechaun leavings". Redmeat.com. 2004-04-06. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
10. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . portable backyard sinkhole". Redmeat.com. 1997-05-26. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
11. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . rumpled rodeo of regret". Redmeat.com. 2005-12-06. Retrieved 2009-09-15.
12. "RED MEAT . Meat Locker . halfheartedly flung onto the fun heap". Redmeat.com. 2000-03-21. Retrieved 2009-09-15.

External links

• Official website
• Red Meat Construction Set